Movin' On Up..............The Champ Ladder!

Over the weekend my 9 year old challenged us as to whether or not we'd hold true to the "Ladder". At the moment, he is on step 10. So happy was he, but not for long. We were due for a talk on Saturday before he went to his sleepover at his friend’s birthday party. Here's what happened. He's been working really hard to get to step 10 from being down on step 5 and below for a couple of weeks. He hasn't been able to play X-box, play outside with his friends and last month had to decline 2 birthday parties. It shook his world. But we held him accountable (oh...there's that word again) for his actions. Each morning, he has a routine. He knows exactly what to do. And what time he needs to be done. The boy has a unique internal clock that beats to the tune of his own little world. What should take him 5 minutes translates to 20 minutes on his clock. It's very clear in this house that if you miss the time in the morning, that's a "thumbs down". And if you have one thumbs down in a day you do not move up a step on the ladder.

So if Step 10 is where you want to be with full privileges, and Step 1 is the worst place to be, each day you get a chance to "move up the ladder" and you don't want to miss it. So, the talk we had was about what happened Friday. I was very busy getting things together for a friends Going Away Gathering here at my house. It was incredible to me that as much as I teach my children, and how I stay on top of the rules and how to "finish a job", nothing they did for me yesterday was completed. Absolutely nothing! I had to do everything over again and spend more time than I had. I was not able to do several important things that I needed to finish due to that. Now I realize that's what kids do. They’re learning still. They are “in training”. But it does need to be dealt with. I’ve heard expert after expert say that children should do what they are able to do. And these are all things they are “able” to do. Regarding my 9 year olds sleepover, yes he'll keep his commitment to go to this party, because commitment and keeping our word is what we teach our children. But he'll pay for his actions by going down the ladder several steps. And I don’t want to take the joy away from the birthday boy. So he went to the sleepover with the understanding that he'll pay for it by going down 5 steps. Five steps seem like a lot, but let's look at what he did. He knew he needed to be on Step 10 to go to the party. He knew I was busy and took advantage of it by not completing a single task. He didn't put any toys away that he played with. He didn't do his nighttime stuff on time and didn't brush his teeth, he complained when I called him out on some thing and made excuses all day, shall I go on? Of all of the time my husband and I put into teaching our children, these are the things that they should have gotten better at by now. And should he choose not to cooperate, well, Mom and Dad will not raise their voice. We will not appear shocked. We simply tell our child to move himself down the ladder. The ladder takes the place of all of the "Are you kidding me?", "You lied about brushing your teeth again?", "You forgot your homework AGAIN?" I thank God for the Ladder. It is full of so many teaching opportunities for the children.....it's a love-hate relationship with it according to the boys. One day they love it, the next day they hate it. Guess what step they are on when they hate it?

Accountability.......where did it go?

I find in interesting how children can grow up and become adults and still hold onto their child-like ways. I sometimes find it shocking, less and less lately though, how being unaccountable for your actions has less stigma attached to it. As an adult, if you get caught in a lie, no big deal. All you have to do is watch the news to see the world at its best with its issue of accountability. No one is at fault. Nobody has done anything wrong, everyone is the victim. It’s very unsettling to me when I see this, but what it does do for me is make sure I am not a part of that stereotype. And most importantly I do not allow MY children to become a part of this growing epidemic.

Dr. Anwar Ibrahim, former deputy prime minister and finance minister of Malaysia and currently a prominent advocate for democracy, freedom, responsible business and the rule of law – was named "Honorary President of Accountability" in Malaysia. He is the 'global voice of accountability' for government. He believes that the issue of accountability is at the root of all the world's major social and environmental challenges. Isn't that interesting? I should send him a complimentary "Champ Ladder" for him to use on his staff. I bet that if the parents of the grown up children now would have used our Champ Ladder, there would have been more accountability and less finger pointing.

In a "perfect world" we would like our children to admit what they did wrong and make it right. But the world we do live in is far from perfect and we have to deal with just how to discipline and reward our children. What drives me crazy in the process is the yelling from us as parents, the arguing from our children and the constant challenging us as parents. It makes me crazy in my own house. This is exactly how Champ Ladder has come to light. My husband and I were sick and tired of all of that. So much so that we thought, "There has got to be a better way". We looked everywhere for a solution and found that there was not much out there that fit our needs. A book on the subject was too lengthy, and we needed something NOW! So we created it ourselves and fine-tuned it over the years to get our system to a place that made simple sense and the entire family could understand and use. When people come to our home and look at the fridge, their first comment is not about the magnets and pictures, but on the laminated Champ Ladder we have boldly attached. They say, "Now that is a great idea!"

Our hope for our 2 boys, God bless 'em, is to grow up to be happy, responsible, trusting, loving men who will treat people with compassion and with an understanding of where they are coming from. I find it very disheartening when I speak to a mature adult only to find that they talk about people in such a bad light...I guess because it makes them feel better about themselves. This quality is so unattractive that even sometimes, if I'm going to see that person again, I have the heart to say something about it. I know we all have our own story to tell. It makes us who we are. But how can we have compassion for others if we don't seek first to understand them? There are reasons that people do the things they do and I am always interested in finding that out. As painful as it may get sometimes, I will even ask people to be totally honest with me so that I can grow. Why would I want to keep a bad habit? Why shouldn't I know about it? My close friends know that I ask that of them. And trust me, they use it. So does my husband....ouch!!!! Part of our children's creed is "I love God and all His creations, therefore I am compassionate and truly care about the feelings of others." How can we be hurtful if we "truly care about the feelings of others"! This is our hope.........for our 2 boys.