Moving out of State.....no Champ Ladder for a month!

Well, we have just moved from Chino Hills of Southern California to Denver, Colorado. We've been here for 3 weeks now and have settled into our new home without incident, other than some broken special dishes and household things from the moving company. Okay, men do not know how to pack. They can move big, strong, heavy boxes, but they can't pack and they don't know the difference between putting a box down gently that has fragile written on the outside or one that is filled with just books or pillows. But we're here and my 2 boys have fit in as if they've been here forever. A gorgeous little 10 year old even baked us a chocolate cake on the 2nd day to welcome us into her neighborhood.

It's the Champ Ladder that I want to talk about. To use it or NOT to use it. I have the answer. We've been without it for a month and let me tell you, it matters. The boys begged us to put it back up 2 days ago, so I found it and taped it to the laundry door with big ugly mailing tape, but it's worth it. When the Champ Ladder System was not in place, discipline and rewards AND allowance was all out of wack. The kids kept wanting to buy things when we were out and about and I'd ask, "How much money do you have?" and they'd say, "None, but I'll pay you back." "When will you pay me back?? You have no money and you have no possibility for allowance as long as that chart is not up! Plus, I think you're in trouble, but I couldn't be sure because I HAVE NO CHART TO TELL ME!" So......chart is up, they know where they stand with us and all is fine with the Wills' household. Any of you out there have challenges with your morning routine? Your after school or night time routine? We've been crazy these past few weeks with no Champ Ladder and the kids know it. I've explained to other parents that we created Champ Ladder to take the place of "yelling" in our house. The Champ Ladder speaks for itself, it's out reward voice, our discipline voice, and the determinating factor to whether or not the kids get allowance each Family Fun Night.

We've had steady sales for our ChampLadder system which pleases me to no end. This morning we received a lovely email from a Child and Family Phsychologist asking permission to promote it on her websight as well as encourage parents of the elementary school she works with to use it in their home. I'll tell you, that just made my day because we are trying our darndest as parents to properly "grow" our children in this unbelievable world that feels completely backwards most of the time, that when I receive some sort of validation like that, it just encourages me all that much more. For those of you reading this that have used our system, please feel free to comment and tell us how it is working for you. I may be able to give you some great tips or you may must tell us that it is working for your family and how. If you have any questions, please feel free to post them as well, or email me directly.

For now, off I go to organize my 11 year old's closet from our move. It is disasterous. Keep on plugging away at parenthood, hang in there and here's a big tip....look for those teeny, tiny little moments that the kids are able to talk to you about their day. If you listen long enough, you'll hear their heart and be astounded at what they'll tell you....if you are just "present"!

Happy Parenting

How to have a bad day.........in the Hamptons!

Can you imagine? You plan for months, even dream of it for years, only to find that all it takes is your ungrateful child to be miserable in one of the best places in the world. At the "mature" age of 44, I've waited a very long time to "do" New York. So my husband is taking care of our 11 year old while I took my 9 year old to accomplish one of my "to do's" on my list of things I should do before I reach 50. One of which is to visit the Hamptons. So while visiting my friend Darla (author of the best seller book Happy Housewives) on Long Island, she kindly packs us up to head for an East Hampton beach for a few days. All the way there the kids were asking when are we going to get there, how much longer, it's hot, I want to go home in the pool... And when we arrive, unpack and enter this beach house that Darla's friend so sweetly offered us, they said they were bored. Shopping in the cutest shops near the house, all they wanted was what THEY wanted. It was all about them....nothing's changed from the West coast to the East coast. It was all about my child back home, and it's all about my child on Mommy's best vacation in a long time.

My child is well aware that I did not bring the actual Champ Ladder! He realizes that consequences are sure to be forgotten because Mommy didn't bring the fridge to adhere the chart to!! What a difference his behavior is (or lack thereof) when he knows that perhaps there are no consequences to adhere to if there is no way to monitor his discipline. Similarly, however, there is also no Reward Chart either, so he may not be getting as many rewards or privileges since in his mind I'm not keeping track...how 'bout them apples?

Well, had Darla and I been alone, perhaps we would have made these amazing adult plans. But with the kids tugging at us, all we were in The Hamptons were a couple of nagging Moms, cutely dressed I might add, with kids in tow. We drove back to Darlas after only being there for 3 hours, where the first thing the kids did was jump in the pool and thanked God they were home where life is good with air condition, food, and a beautiful pool for them to "fight" in for hours.

Ahhhh.......life was good in the Hamptons!! It really was, because if you've gone through infertility like I did for 3 years, you can't forget what you prayed for to get these children. I'd rather be in the Hamptons with a whiny child, than anywhere in the world with none.

Movin' On Up..............The Champ Ladder!

Over the weekend my 9 year old challenged us as to whether or not we'd hold true to the "Ladder". At the moment, he is on step 10. So happy was he, but not for long. We were due for a talk on Saturday before he went to his sleepover at his friend’s birthday party. Here's what happened. He's been working really hard to get to step 10 from being down on step 5 and below for a couple of weeks. He hasn't been able to play X-box, play outside with his friends and last month had to decline 2 birthday parties. It shook his world. But we held him accountable (oh...there's that word again) for his actions. Each morning, he has a routine. He knows exactly what to do. And what time he needs to be done. The boy has a unique internal clock that beats to the tune of his own little world. What should take him 5 minutes translates to 20 minutes on his clock. It's very clear in this house that if you miss the time in the morning, that's a "thumbs down". And if you have one thumbs down in a day you do not move up a step on the ladder.

So if Step 10 is where you want to be with full privileges, and Step 1 is the worst place to be, each day you get a chance to "move up the ladder" and you don't want to miss it. So, the talk we had was about what happened Friday. I was very busy getting things together for a friends Going Away Gathering here at my house. It was incredible to me that as much as I teach my children, and how I stay on top of the rules and how to "finish a job", nothing they did for me yesterday was completed. Absolutely nothing! I had to do everything over again and spend more time than I had. I was not able to do several important things that I needed to finish due to that. Now I realize that's what kids do. They’re learning still. They are “in training”. But it does need to be dealt with. I’ve heard expert after expert say that children should do what they are able to do. And these are all things they are “able” to do. Regarding my 9 year olds sleepover, yes he'll keep his commitment to go to this party, because commitment and keeping our word is what we teach our children. But he'll pay for his actions by going down the ladder several steps. And I don’t want to take the joy away from the birthday boy. So he went to the sleepover with the understanding that he'll pay for it by going down 5 steps. Five steps seem like a lot, but let's look at what he did. He knew he needed to be on Step 10 to go to the party. He knew I was busy and took advantage of it by not completing a single task. He didn't put any toys away that he played with. He didn't do his nighttime stuff on time and didn't brush his teeth, he complained when I called him out on some thing and made excuses all day, shall I go on? Of all of the time my husband and I put into teaching our children, these are the things that they should have gotten better at by now. And should he choose not to cooperate, well, Mom and Dad will not raise their voice. We will not appear shocked. We simply tell our child to move himself down the ladder. The ladder takes the place of all of the "Are you kidding me?", "You lied about brushing your teeth again?", "You forgot your homework AGAIN?" I thank God for the Ladder. It is full of so many teaching opportunities for the children.....it's a love-hate relationship with it according to the boys. One day they love it, the next day they hate it. Guess what step they are on when they hate it?

Accountability.......where did it go?

I find in interesting how children can grow up and become adults and still hold onto their child-like ways. I sometimes find it shocking, less and less lately though, how being unaccountable for your actions has less stigma attached to it. As an adult, if you get caught in a lie, no big deal. All you have to do is watch the news to see the world at its best with its issue of accountability. No one is at fault. Nobody has done anything wrong, everyone is the victim. It’s very unsettling to me when I see this, but what it does do for me is make sure I am not a part of that stereotype. And most importantly I do not allow MY children to become a part of this growing epidemic.

Dr. Anwar Ibrahim, former deputy prime minister and finance minister of Malaysia and currently a prominent advocate for democracy, freedom, responsible business and the rule of law – was named "Honorary President of Accountability" in Malaysia. He is the 'global voice of accountability' for government. He believes that the issue of accountability is at the root of all the world's major social and environmental challenges. Isn't that interesting? I should send him a complimentary "Champ Ladder" for him to use on his staff. I bet that if the parents of the grown up children now would have used our Champ Ladder, there would have been more accountability and less finger pointing.

In a "perfect world" we would like our children to admit what they did wrong and make it right. But the world we do live in is far from perfect and we have to deal with just how to discipline and reward our children. What drives me crazy in the process is the yelling from us as parents, the arguing from our children and the constant challenging us as parents. It makes me crazy in my own house. This is exactly how Champ Ladder has come to light. My husband and I were sick and tired of all of that. So much so that we thought, "There has got to be a better way". We looked everywhere for a solution and found that there was not much out there that fit our needs. A book on the subject was too lengthy, and we needed something NOW! So we created it ourselves and fine-tuned it over the years to get our system to a place that made simple sense and the entire family could understand and use. When people come to our home and look at the fridge, their first comment is not about the magnets and pictures, but on the laminated Champ Ladder we have boldly attached. They say, "Now that is a great idea!"

Our hope for our 2 boys, God bless 'em, is to grow up to be happy, responsible, trusting, loving men who will treat people with compassion and with an understanding of where they are coming from. I find it very disheartening when I speak to a mature adult only to find that they talk about people in such a bad light...I guess because it makes them feel better about themselves. This quality is so unattractive that even sometimes, if I'm going to see that person again, I have the heart to say something about it. I know we all have our own story to tell. It makes us who we are. But how can we have compassion for others if we don't seek first to understand them? There are reasons that people do the things they do and I am always interested in finding that out. As painful as it may get sometimes, I will even ask people to be totally honest with me so that I can grow. Why would I want to keep a bad habit? Why shouldn't I know about it? My close friends know that I ask that of them. And trust me, they use it. So does my husband....ouch!!!! Part of our children's creed is "I love God and all His creations, therefore I am compassionate and truly care about the feelings of others." How can we be hurtful if we "truly care about the feelings of others"! This is our hope.........for our 2 boys.